Photo credit: @brookecagle

Has your partner become the latest challenge?

I have spoken to a number of women in the past few weeks for whom the journey to have their baby has been fraught with difficulties… and the unforeseen latest challenge is the lack of support from their partner/husband.

Know that you are not alone with a partner challenge – although it takes two to make a baby, I have found the bulk of the burden of a fertility issue is left for the woman to carry… often with limited support.

This is not about putting men down in the least. Rather, this area highlights their own fears, insecurities and discomfort with feeling not in control. Ultimately, they are scared. Terrified, even. It is a huge unknown that they feel exceptionally unprepared for.

They are so far out of their depth, they have no idea where to look or what to do. Deep down they want to support you and yet, they lack the know-how when it comes to their partner’s overwhelming emotions. Some will struggle through by making light of everything, others will say nothing and some may become hostile because again, they don’t know how to fix this and they are expressing frustration and fear in their own way.

This is why support beyond your partner is so important: not to always have to lean solely on them as you each navigate the emotional roller coaster of ‘trying to conceive’. Remember, you are both experiencing the
difficulty of being in very unfamiliar territory… no path in life prepares us for facing fertility challenges. When your partner is losing it, you can feel very isolated and disconnected, and all you wish for is a family with them.

The key is open communication, speaking your truth without hurting the other and having an understanding of what your individual needs are. However, having other people in your life for extra support is also vital.

Outside support gives you different ways to look at your situation, a place to shelter emotionally, the understanding and compassion that may currently be lacking… sometimes it’s just great to be heard by someone who is removed from immediate situation.

There is nothing wrong with you or him, these are intense emotions flaring because the situation – not conceiving easily – is very triggering, stressful, and painful. It would undo the most stoic among us. So get help, either together, individually, both… whatever works for you right now.

And should you need support today – reach out here

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